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Posted (edited)

Why Is It destined for us to be apart?

Fleeting, mockingly just outside of my reach.

For what reason have I been bound to this realm?

 

Cursed to have one foot in each camp.

Yet belong to neither.

Wondering endlessly without purpose...

 

Why must I endure this agony?

Ohh Death, why have you forsaken me?

For what reason am I shackled to this life eternal?

 

Banished to this immortal existence.

With no end in sight.

What could I possibly have done to deserve a fate like this?

 

Why am I unable to taste the sweet fruit of never ending sleep?

Ohh that sweet nectar, how I desire it so...

With every fibre of my being.

 

Still, Instead all there is, is an all consuming rage.

Overshadowing everything, relentless, never waning.

Burning even brighter than any bonfire ever could.

 

Why must I continue this never ending journey?

Faith is the cruellest mistress of them all.

For what reason am I still here?

 

I remember eons ago.

A time before man conquered iron.

Even then had I walked this physical realm for millennia.

 

Doomed to wonder endlessly.

What could possible be the point for an existence as cursed as mine?

I yearn for the ever sweet embrace of the eternal slumber...

Edited by Temuldjin
  • Like 5
Posted (edited)

I have been working on and off on this poem for something like ½ a year now and I think it's finally gotten to the point where I feel I can no longer improve on it myself so therefor I seek guidance / help from you guys to help me get this poem to it's final stage.

I can't exactly put my finger on what, but I feel like it's missing something, so I was hoping to get some fresh eyes on it, and don't be shy about any type of feedback either, everything from remove line " x " to swap this here, to that there, etc any feedback is appreciated :)

 

The whole idea about the poem is that it is written by an Revenant that is many tens of thousands of years old and it's reflecting how he see his own existence and the world around him.

Edited by Temuldjin
  • Like 1
  • 3 weeks later...
Posted
I made a minor alteration that was suggested to me by Lord Scara, but if anyone else have some feedback or suggestions they are more than welcome to help me out :)
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